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The Creatures of Castle Cæg/Text
Day Thirty-Seven The TARDIS materialized in the middle of a field, crushing beneath it more than a few stalks of wheat. Wind bellowed against the doors as thunder cackled overhead in a black and starless night sky. Zinnia leaned out the door. "We've hit wheat." She shivered. "Oof, its nippy out. Let me grab a jacket before we go." Ellie stopped adjusting her bowtie. "Doesn't sound like space Vegas to me." "Wheat? I was aiming for Earth," the Doctor said. "But you said..." Ellie sighed. "Nevermind." Zinnia went the other way round the console as Ellie and the Doctor and dove into the wardrobe. "Wherever I meant to be, let's have a look around. With a whole universe to explore, you never know where something interesting is going to pop up." The Doctor strode to the door. "Let's see now. Ah. Wheat field. Boring." One of the stalks blew forwards and tapped him lightly on the nose. "Do they have wheat on Earth?" asks Zinnia, coming out in a comfy warm jacket. "They have wheat everywhere. There's even a whole planet named after it." The Doctor took a reading with the screwdriver. "Earth wheat." "We might have disturbed somebody's crops," Ellie said. "Planet Wheat? Is it interesting? We should go there sometime," said Zinnia. "The Wheatons are a friendly people," said the Doctor. The sound of a horse's gallop can be faintly heard in the distance. "I suppose we should see if anyone's bothered over having a small, square crop circle appear on their land," the Doctor said. "Sounds like the welcome beast is incoming," said Zinnia. The horse rode up besides the TARDIS, and from atop it a knight opened his helmet and looked down. "Who goes there?" "I am the Doctor, and I'm admiring all of this fascinating wheat you have here." "Doctor, eh? You here for the new posting? We've been looking for practitioners of medicine," the knight said. "Can we meet Robin Hood?" Ellie whispered. "I've always wanted to meet Robin Hood." "A historical figure of note?" Zinnia asked. "Well, I can certainly see what my associates and I can do." The Doctor turned inside. "Ellie, Zinnia, looks like we're off. And I'd rather not meet Robin Hood again. Disgustingly merry fellow." "Aw." Ellie pouted. "Who the blazes is Robin Hood?" the knight asked. "Oh, never mind." He turned to look at the TARDIS. "Should I ask how that crate got here?" "Best not," the Doctor replied. "Right then. Should I hitch it to a cart or will it be fine sitting here?" the knight asked. "She'll be fine here," said the Doctor. "Right then," said the knight. "I'll go ahead slowly. You three follow along, and I'll get you set up in the castle." He gave the horse a small kick and it began to trot forwards. "So how about those current events?" Zinnia asked as they walked. * * * In a hut, at the other end of the open field, Brom awoke to the sound of a pig squealing and running around the small room. "What's wrong, Horsey?" The pig answered by running headlong into the hut's door. Brom grabbed a candle, and the pig and walked outside. Brom wandered through the wheat fields until xe came across a strange, blue box, sitting there, ruining the crops. "Who left their box here?" Horsey grunted in Brom's arm "You're right. This isn't nice. I'm going to have to talk to someone about this in the morning," Brom placed Horsey on the ground and walked back to xyr hut. * * * After a bit of walk, which happened to take them past Brom's hut, they arrived at the castle gates, and the knight hitched up his horse and began to unlock the door. He opened the gates and walked the trio into the great hall. "Right then. I'll find you all some accommodations and in the morning, I'll introduce you to Lord Cæg. He'll be very eager to meet you, Doctor." His eyes shifted to Zinnia before he started up the stairs, beckoning them to follow. "Well, I hope I can live up to expectations," the Doctor replied. "I think you already have. Now, there should be some free cots--ah, yes!" The knight swings open a door to reveal an empty, spacious room with five hammocks, pillows and blankets hanging from the ceiling. "This should tide you over until we can find something more suitable, I hope?" Zinnia whispered to Ellie, "Did he eyeball me?" "I think he did," Ellie replied. "It'll do fine for me. Girls, will this suit you?" the Doctor asked. Ellie glanced at the hammocks. "Did you design this room?" Ellie whispered to the Doctor. "Should we expect a tap for lemonade?" "I've moved on from lemonade," the Doctor replied. "If I'd designed a novelty drink dispenser, it would be running sherry." The knight left them standing at the doorway. "Good night, whatever you are," he said, and made his exit. "So is this like a trap or something?" Ellie asked, stifling a yawn. "If they were expecting a doctor, won't there be trouble if that doctor shows up while we're here?" Zinnia added. "Sorry, that just now occured to me." "I think he said they put out notice for any medical professionals to fill a vacant position," the Doctor said. "So at worst, the job goes to someone more willing to settle down." "Which rules you out, Cheesemaker," Ellie teased. "I have a degree in human medicine that is currently hundreds of years ahead of the state of the art. Unfortunately, I'm a few thousand years out of practice," the Doctor said. "But you'll be able to fake convincingly if you're called on to do anything medical right?" Zinnia asked. "Unless they're convinced leeches are the only cure for everything, yes. But if they were, they wouldn't be looking for a medical practitioner," the Doctor replied. Zinnia slipped into one of the hammocks. "Well thats my anxieties addressed then." Ellie slipped into one of the other ones. "That was a bit too long of a walk for my liking. Think I'm gonna nap." And she did. "That knight's reaction to meeting an ornithoid was rather subdued, don't you think?" the Doctor asked. "Oh, that's right. I guess Earthers wouldn't have met anything like me at this point," said Zinnia. "And yet all the mind he paid you was some uncomfortable glances. If there's nothing unusual going on here, I'll have to read the TARDIS's manual and see if there's any mention of her telepathic abilities extending to protecting her inhabitants from bigotry. And there are few things I enjoy less than reading manuals," the Doctor said, before giving that statement some thought. "Well, bigotry, prejudice, fear, general inconvenient freakouts." "Perhaps we could indulge in gossip and find out if I caused a stir?" Zinnia asked. "Yes. For manual avoidance!" the Doctor agreed. "Multiple lizards, one stone!" Zinnia declared. "Let's see if we can find a kitchen or servants' common area," the Doctor said. "I suppose we should just leave Ellie to rest," Zinnia suggested. "She seems to have passed out remarkably quickly," the Doctor noted. They left the room to find people to talk to. In front of them was a balcony, and of course the stairway down to the main hall. There were also five doors each to the left and right of their accommodations on the same wall. "This time of night, I expect knocking on doors for idle questioning would be frowned upon," the Doctor said. "See what we can find from the main hall?" "Maybe there will be people still awake, yeah," Zinnia agreed. So they went. The main hall appears to be empty at first glance, though granted it'd be easy to tell given that it's pretty sparsely decorated. There's a hallway towards the back heading deeper into the castle. The Doctor proceeded, the Sonic leading the way. Either as illumination, scanning, or ready to preemptively assemble cabinets, it was hard to tell. The illumination would be necessary, as there were no candles lit. But the scanning would be helpful, especially as a screeching noise came from still deeper in the hallway. "So that...that seems out of place," Zinnia said. The Doctor followed the sound quickly. "Ah." Zinnia increased her pace to keep up. There's a large door bolted shut at the end of the hallway. The screeching seemed to be coming from there. The Doctor unbolted the door and threw it open. On the other side, writhing on the floor, was a wide-eyed man covered in thick black fur and wide clawed feet. Under his arms was a leathery, veiny substance which stretched as he flailed his arms about. He screeched again. "I guess...we know why I didn't surprise them," Zinnia said. "I'm the Doctor, can I help in any way?" the Doctor asked the creature. Another screech. It began rocking back and forth until it's on its stomach, and then proceeded to crawl towards the Doctor and Zinnia. "Doctor?" Zinnia asked. "If you need help, I can come to you. If you're attacking, I'm afraid I'm going to have to close the door," the Doctor said to the creature. The creature retreated slightly. "Ah, good. Let's see how I can help." The Doctor made a scan of the being and approached tentatively. The creature continued to retreat back into a dark corner of the room. The Doctor dimmed the Sonic to its lowest illumination setting and pointed it at the corner the creature was moving toward. The sonic picks up two DNA patterns--one from a human being, the other from a fruit bat. The creature's eyes began to water as it fixated on the light. "Sorry." The Doctor turned off the light. "It looks like you've been genetically spliced. I don't know what I can do to help right now, but I promise you I'll do everything I can." "Glad to hear it!" says a voice from behind the Doctor as a man strolls in. "You're the Doctor, I presume?" "I am. What happened exactly?" the Doctor asked. Zinnia whirls to look, having done an awful job at watching the door. The Doctor also turned to look at the person entering. "A routine medical procedure using what are now obviously unsafe substances," says the man. "How could anything like this be routine in this time and place?" the Doctor asked. "Oh, no, you've misunderstood. That--" he gestured to the creature--"is not routine. We were trying to suck some bad blood out and the next thing we know we've got some sort of man-bat on our hands. Grotesque, really." "Your leeches weren't normal leeches?" the Doctor asked. "Spot on, Doctor! They had some slight discoloration. We thought it was nothing. You can see just how wrong we were, unfortunately for Sir Guest here," the man continued. Day Forty-Nine "I think you missed the bat blood..." Zinnia punned. "He wasn't remotely inhuman when we found him, if that's what you're thinking," the man continued. "Had a terrible case of the pox. After the leech, those symptoms went away, but his appearance, his behavior...well, you're looking at the end result of quite a terrible curse. What say you, Doctor? Any thoughts?" "Do you still have the leeches kept somewhere for study?" the Doctor asked. "Oh, yes, of course! Hidden away in the dungeon. Couldn't tell the rest of the men, they insisted the local water supply be cleansed and that we should wipe the beasts off the face of the Earth. I love my people, Doctor, really I do, but there's not a brain between the lot of them." "I'd better have a look at them then," the Doctor said. "Yes, I think you better. Follow me." The man slowly walked into Sir Guest's quarters and pulled open a door on the back wall, beckoning them forwards. The Doctor advanced toward the door. "Close the door behind you. We don't want Guest following and making a mess of things," the man whispered. "His body is prone to flailing about, and the leeches are not as heavily secured as I would like." As the last one out, Zinnia closed the door behind herself. The man began to speak again as the door shut behind them and they descended the stairs. "So, Doctor. You seem to have a lot of questions for a man who's encountered these leeches before. Or was your companion hexed by a different beast?" "Are you referring to me?" Zinnia asked. "Well, yes, I suppose I am," the man said. "Terribly sorry, I'm just so used to seeing those afflicted with your ailment as mindless beasts. Do forgive me." "I'm, uh...well the Doctor can probably explain. I wouldn't know what to say," Zinnia said. "No, I don't suppose you do. That's why I asked the Doctor," said the man. "She's just from an extremely exotic land. They're all like that where she's from," said the Doctor. "I was actually rather surprised that nobody was by her appearance." "Ah. Well," said the man, "I must say, that's a mite disappointing. Thought you might give me more of a leg up. Still, you seem like a smart man, I'm sure you can get this sorted." They reached the bottom of the stairs. Chained to the wall of the dungeon was a woman with wolflike mutations, trapped beneath a net was an amphibian of some sort. On a table towards the back was a large cage containing a wooden bucket. "Were all of these people accidents like Sir Guest, or does their presence together here mean you've been experimenting?" asked the Doctor. "Is that judgment I sense in your tone, Doctor?" the man asked. "If so, you mustn't worry. These were volunteers, men and women willing to sacrifice their minds for the good of the manor. You must admit they'll make frightful defensive agents, far better than knights have." *** Ellie's legs got tangled in her sleep and she rolled out of the hammock onto her face. She yawned, slowly getting to her feet. She glanced around. "Where is everybody?" Ellie shuffled slowly down the stairs. "I think I'd like some bacon," she said to herself. At the bottom of the stairs was the main hall. And in the hallway coming off the main hall was an open door with a loud shrieking noise emanating from it. Ellie frowned. "Huh. That's fortuitous. I think I'm going to have to thank the spirits." *** Meanwhile, Brom would arrive at his hut to find two knights guarding the entrance. They turn to look at him as he approaches. Brom stopped a few feet away from the guards. "Hello. Did something happen to my house?" "No, nothing of the sort. Lord Cæg wants to see you in the castle," said one of the knights. "Posthaste. We're here to escort you." Both of them were shorter than Brom, but heavily armored, and seeming more than a little nervous. "Oh no. Did one of my piggies do something? I always tell them 'not everyone is as nice as I am, so don't break any rules!' But Horsey's the only one that ever listens to me." Brom scratched the pig behind its ears. "Which one was it? Was it George? She always was a scoundrel." "Um, no," said the other knight. "This has nothing to do with the behavior of your pigs. The Lord is...er..." She scratched the back of her neck. "Giving you a medal, for doing such a good job keeping them in line." Brom's eyes lit up. "Really? Wow! That's great. I was so worried I hadn't been raising my pigs right. I try my best, but it's so hard sometimes, you know?" Brom didn't wait for the knights to reply. "I'll just put Horsey inside and we can get going, alright?" "Yes, go ahead. But do make it brief," said the first knight. Brom went inside and sat Horsey on the bed. "I'll be back soon, Horsey. Make sure the other piggies don't get in trouble," Xe gave the pig a pat on the head and left the hut. "Alright, I'm ready. Lead the way." They did so, leading him up the hill and towards the castle, and then around the back, towards a trap door at the base of the structure. Brom was grinning from ear-to-ear as xe was led by the knights. When they arrived at the trap door, xyr cheek muscles were starting to hurt, but this did little to dissuade xyr from smiling. "Lord Cæg is in the basement?" "You may be receiving commendation, but you are still a serf. Perhaps some day, if you work hard, you will earn the right to see the rest of the castle. Take this as a first step," said the first knight. He opened the hatch for Brom and lowered a ladder down for him. "Oh, okay. I'm sorry if that was rude, sir knight." Brom nodded at the knights and excitedly descended the ladder. "It's fine," said the first knight. "And congratulations," added the second. Brom beamed up at the knights and continued descending until xe reached the below-ground. The trap door closed above him. The tunnel failed to extend in any horizontal direction, though to his left would be another door with a knocker on it. Brom strode over to the door. Xe lifted the knocker and knocked three times. *** Three knocks come from a door at the back of the room. The man opens it. There is a tall, disheveled looking man with unkempt brown hair on the other side. "Ah! You must be Brom. Please, come in." "A knight with an able mind can be directed with more precision than a spliced being with a stunted mind," the Doctor said. "I agree, Doctor, though frankly 'able mind' is higher praise than most of my knights deserve. which is why you're going to help me with my next test subject," the man said. "Doctor, this is Brom, one of my best serfs. He hasn't got much intelligence to lose, even by the standards of most of my servants, so no pressure. I deliberately selected him for your first try." Brom bows to the man and enters the room. "Hello, my lord." "Yes, hello Brom. You've been so very good to me, helping me with my pigs and such, so today I am giving you an ample reward. You will get to become part of a new, elite cavalry. Would you like that?" the man, who was now clearly Lord Cæg, asked. Brom continues grinning, not entirely understanding what the man just said. "Of course, my lord. My mother always told me that if a lord offers you something, God must be smiling on you." "Fantastic," said Cæg. "You're a wise man, Brom." He turned to the Doctor. "Now then, Doctor, what I suspect you must do is find some way during the procedure to reduce blood flow to the head, so that the leech's magics cannot infect it. But of course, you have more experience in the medical sciences than I, so if you have another suggestion..." Brom felt a twinge of discomfort at being called a "man" but didn't dare to correct his lord. "Oh. Well, have you tried a noose? Nothing better for stopping blood flow to the head," the Doctor suggested. "Ah, yes, smart thinking, Doctor, except that--well, nooses have proven somewhat...over-effective, let's say," said Cæg. "In that they killed the people you tried it on," said Zinnia. "Oh, no," Cæg corrected, "they've killed criminals. I haven't tried it on any of the test subjects. Surely you don't think so little of my intellect that I might've thought an execution would prove ineffective on the innocent." "No, it's only the guilty who survive trials by ordeal, isn't it?" the Doctor said. "No one survives the noose, good or bad. Which is why I need your help finding an alternate method," said Cæg. "Excuse me, my lord but what do I need to do now? I don't want to leave my piggies alone for too long," Brom piped in. "You needn't worry, Brom. After tonight, someone else will be watching your pigs. You will have far more important work to do," Cæg said. "If you go through this procedure, you won't even care about those...piggies," said the Doctor. Brom's smile stopped. "Oh, no, I would never stop caring about my piggies. I'm sorry my lord, but I don't think anyone can take care of them. They'd be so sad without me. Especially Horsey." "Brom, how old are you? Do you know?" Cæg asked. "Uh..." Brom tried counting in xyr head. This was especially difficult considering xe didn't know how to count. "Five?" xe ventured. Cæg gave a sharp inhale and shot a weary glance at the Doctor. "Yes, and, well, you no longer rely on your parents, right? Well, your pigs are now about the age where they don't need to rely on you, either. They'll be fine, Brom. And you can always visit." "Well, I guess it's okay if I can visit... will I be staying in the castle, my lord?" Brom asked. "Oh, yes, Brom. Absolutely," Cæg replied. "You notice these people staying here in this room? By means of chain and nets?" the Doctor asked. Brom looked around. "Yes. Are they bad people?" "Not at all, Brom," Cæg told him. "You see, the gift I am about to give to you...damaged their minds, unfortunately. We're taking precautions to see that what happened to them does not happen to you, and that there will be no need to lock you up." "Oh. Is that what the doctor is here for? Is he going to try to help these people?" Brom asked. "Yes, Brom, he is. And he's going to help you, too," Cæg said. "That at least is true." the Doctor said. Cæg shot him another glance, this one a bit more of a scowl. "If you do intend to go through with this plan, it would be smart to understand these leeches better. Which would involve letting me examine them directly." "Leeches?" asked Brom. "Yes, leeches," said Cæg. "Very special leeches." He approached the cage with the wooden bucket and unhooked the top. "Right over here, Doctor." The Doctor prepared the sonic screwdriver to scan them, and approached. "You haven't been told? These changes are being made by these odd leeches." "Am...I going to have to use the leeches?" Brom asked. "Well, as it stands now," the Doctor said. "There may be something about them that can be isolated and extracted." The leeches didn't look much like leeches at all, paddling as they were through the water with dozens of tiny fins, and colored more of a dim yellow than a sickly brown. The sonic identified them as "repositories", genetically-engineered creatures designed to incubate the genetic information of endangered species, frequently used as part of the preservation efforts of planets in the Alpha Centauri system. Day Fifty Cæg leaned over the Doctor's shoulder and eyed his sonic screwdriver. "I say, Doctor, what manner of magic is that?" "It's a screwdriver. With some enhancements," the Doctor said. "Wait, magic?" Brom asked. "I thought he was a doctor, not a witch!" "Skreudreyevr?" Cæg asked, slowly rolling the world out of his mouth. "Screwdriver," Zinnia corrected absently. "Doctor, do you, er, need me to do anything?" "You wouldn't happen to have a spare plan handy, would you?" the Doctor asked. "Aheheh! A spare plan, such a kidder!" Much quieter she added "I hope." "Is a screwdriver some kind of witch tool?" Brom asked. "It's a carpentry tool. You know how pegs hold things together?" the Doctor asked. "A screw is a pet that grabs on better. And a screwdriver...eh, it's not important." "I see," said Cæg. "And your screwdriver can also...tell you things? About these leeches?" "As I said, I've given it some enhancements," the Doctor said. "Was it cursed by a witch?" Brom asked. "Blessed by a wizard, if you like," said the Doctor. "My boy, if you are to join my ranks, you must stop being so frightened of witchcraft. After all, without the Doctor's witchcraft, we would not be able to build this mighty army of creatures," said Cæg. "So tell me, do you know what leech will cause what change in advance, or do you just pick one and hope it will be useful?" "It's guesswork, really," Cæg said. "No way to tell. I suppose your screwdriver can get us around that?" The Doctor whirred at a few individual Repositories. A few different animal species were relayed to his mind, mostly assorted fish and hooved mammals, with some canines thrown in. * * * Ellie started humming and swaying, as her shadow danced around her, following the sounds of the pig. This would eventually lead her through the main hall and to the back of an attached hallway, where she would find Sir Guest, who, with the exception of his nose, resembled a bat very little. He hissed at her. A sacrifice, a meal, and a new mask? The spirits are being really generous." Ellie frowned. "This worries me." If Ellie looked closely, and wasn't too tired, she'd notice the open door back behind Sir Guest. Ellie walked around to the door. There were a set of stairs leading down, and she could hear the Doctor and Zinnia discussing things with a couple of unfamiliar voices. Ellie shrugged and walked back to where she heard the pig. "Breakfast first." Ellie would very quickly arrive back at Sir Guest, who had in fact been the one creating the noise that lured her downstairs. Ellie shrugged and headed downstairs quietly, trying to hear what was going on. She would, by this point, be able to hear everything perfectly clearly. * * * Zinnia edged over to Brom while Cæg was distracted with the Doctor. "I don't know if you should go through with this..." "Oh. Well, I'm sorry Ms. Bird Lady, but I can't not do it," Brom explained. "My mother always said do whatever the lord tells you to, and if he's telling me to have witch leeches put on me, I have to do it." "I...see..." said Zinnia. "The choice is yours, in the end. Not mine." "Thank you, but besides, my lord would never ask me to do something unless it was for the good of everyone," said Brom. Brom eyed the leeches with a look that betrayed a hint of either fear or indigestion. "Why yes, I can get some sense of what creatures these leeches will create. But none of them could match the monstrosity of the man who would use them," says the Doctor. Zinnia, not really knowing what to do with herself, spots Ellie on the stairs. She almost greets her but forces herself not to react. Ellie communed with the building's loa, and drew the shadows of the stairwell to herself, covering her and hiding her from sight. Ellie thanked the building for continuing to hide her from its other occupants as she drew the shadows as much as she could without being obvious and crept around the sides of the room to get stock of what was going on. "So... the leeches are bad? But why would my lord want to use something that's bad?" Brom looked at Cæg. "Bad things can be used to good ends, Brom. Surely you can agree that the manor needs defending, no? And that we should be able to strike back against our enemies? And besides, we're working to stop the leeches from being too bad," Cæg replied. "I...guess so," Brom said. "Just idly speculating here but maybe the leeches aren't necessary to defend the manor," Zinnia said. "Its held up fine until now, right?" "Well enough, but there've been rumblings. Invaders on the horizon, capable of taking down the whole isle. One must be ready for such things," said Cæg. "There's always rumblings, always things on the horizon, always boogy men under the bed," replied Zinnia. "And you expect me to simply chalk any potential threat up to fear? To leave myself defenseless? Do no real dangers exist where you come from?" Cæg asked. "We have real dangers where I come from. We dealt with them by reaching out to our neighbors, forming communities, looking outward, not inward. Sounds like its from a cartoon but it's true. And I won't say that weapons are never necessary or defense should never be planned. But you're turning your people into monsters, throwing away their souls for a shadow. Actually my people used to be big into weapons and it didn't get us anywhere. Just...horrible, horrible bananas infesting the land. That's what this is. This is bananas!" Zinnia declared. "If my actions are bananas than so are your alternatives. You would have me give up advantages, admit weakness to other manors, make myself and mine vulnerable, and for what? The lives of a few men? Ideological purity?" Cæg's brow bristled. "I am beginning to think," he said sharply, "that neither of you are interested in helping me." "I don't think anyone reasonable would be!" Zinnia exclaimed. "I'm sorry, my lord, but... if the witch doctor and bird lady won't help make the leeches good, what are you going to do?" Brom asked. "If the Doctor is any indication, than I can scarcely expect such a front of knowledge to cross my path again. He will be given an incentive to help. As we speak, one of my knights is on their way up to the chamber where their third companion sleeps. Tell me, bird woman, do the two of you value her soul?" Cæg asked. "Do you value yours?" Ellie asked, grabbing him from behind in a Venusian chokehold. Cæg said nothing, assuming of course one takes "said" to mean "constructed multiple words in an articulate fashion" and not "blubbered random syllables incoherently through his heavily blocked windpipe." If one does, in fact, use that second definition--which is doubtful--Cæg actually said several things. Ellie started humming a lullaby to help the warlord let go of his consciousness. This took a couple of minutes, and eventually succeeded. She slowly stepped away. "Ah. Good, you're up. These little things will turn people into splice beings if they bite them, which the man you just dropped wants to use to create an army except for the pesky problem of their minds getting a bit scrambled, which he wants me to fix," the Doctor filled her in. Brom rushed to xyr lord's side and tried to help him up. "I overheard and deduced some of that." Ellie grabbed Brom and pulled him away, tripping his legs and sweeping him around, though his weight and momentum nearly sent her toppling over. "I actually briefly considered giving our host a taste of his own medicine." Ellie said, nodding towards the leech tank, shrugging as nonchalantly as she could after nearly pulling several muscles in her shoulders. "Yes, well. Having the thought is one thing, acting on it is another. The possibility didn't escape me, either," said the Doctor. "I was hoping something better would present itself first." "Not that it needs to be said but for the record, we do value your soul," Zinnia said. "Never doubted for a second." Ellie said, smiling. Ellie's shadow tried to act like a normal shadow. If it had a blood supply or a face it would be blushing. "You are a witch! Only witches would have friends so... so... witchy!" Brom attempted to pick xyrself up as xe glared at the witch and his witchy friends. "I don't think I'm that witchy. Pretty plain jane actually," Zinnia said. "I am quite definitely not a witch." Ellie said sincerely. "Time Lords and witches rarely get on," said the Doctor. "It's just that I travel far enough that I meet very interesting people." "Why did you hurt Lord Cæg, then? He just wanted to help!" Brom asked. "Sorta wonder what definition of help involves me being threatened," said Ellie. "Uh..." Brom stopped to consider this. "He's the lord! You have to be nice to him no matter how mean he is!" "So not everything he does is best?" the Doctor asked. "Of course it is! He's the lord!" Brom insisted. If Ellie's shadow had eyes it would be rolling them. "Sodding aristocrats." Ellie muttered. Then she blinked and glanced at the Doctor sheepishly. "Um, present company excluded." "I do my best to exclude myself from that role," the Doctor said. "I'm not an ar... air-is-toe-crat! I'm a pig farmer!" Brom said. "So what now?" Zinnia asks. "We shouldn't leave these leeches here, clearly." "We could modify my nanogenes to fix things." Ellie shrugged. "If you don't mind it being a bit cliché." "Yes, I suppose they could overwrite human genes as effectively as they overwrite Dalek genes," the Doctor speculated. "So which genius in the room can reprogram nanogenes?" "You mean you can't?" Ellie asked. "I don't know if I can yet, I haven't tried. Dalek is tough to get out, you know. Well, you would know," the Doctor said. "You should meet my old anger management counselor." Ellie glanced back at the leeches. "...I probably could figure out the reprogramming with some help." Day Fifty-Two "So then. Dalek expertise, my general brilliance, and Zinnia's... also pretty handy? That sounded better in my head." The Doctor's ego swelled and flopped like a failed souffle. "Ah heh, I guess I am a bit overshadowed. But one day there will be a 'has feathers' contest and you'll definitely need me then," Zinnia said. "I'll do whatever I can now." "Anything around here we can use to extract a sample of nanogenes?" the Doctor asked. "Right. So." Ellie paused. "Besides the leeches?" "They do present themselves as a distribution vector, come to think of it, but we shouldn't risk them for extraction," the Doctor said. "Don't you have technical equipment in the TARDIS that we could use?" Zinnia asked. "Yes, but then we'd have to get back in. And Cæg could wake up soon," the Doctor pointed out. Ellie paused and held her hands out like they were on a keyboard. "Right, I'm pretty sure I can get the nanogenes out to reprogram them. It's gonna require me to basically hack myself, but." Ellie paused. "Is it wrong that I'm wondering what he'd look like if all the leeches bit him?" "No!" Brom shouted. "If you do that you'll...have to kill me first!" "So it's okay if he wants them to bite you?" Ellie asked. "I... I already told you," Brom explained. "He's my lord, and what he wants is what's important. And he only wanted one of them to bite me, not all of them! I think!" "BRB hacking myself." Ellie said before standing stock still, her eyes turning off like an old monitor. Brom stared at Ellie. "Um...what is she doing?" "Brom, was it?" the Doctor asked. "Ellie has tiny machines inside her that we're hoping will help these people, if she can set them correctly." "Like...tiny catapults?" asked Brom. "Noooooo. Not exactly," Zinnia said. "Its more like...uh, I don't know if you have the context for the answer." "Clocks? Do you have clocks?" the Doctor asked. "She has tiny clocks inside her? Is she a priest?" Brom moves closer to Ellie and extends a finger to poke her, completely forgetting xyr earlier outrage. "Um," says Zinnia. "Do you always poke priests in meditation around here?" the Doctor asks. Brom pulled xyr hand back and stepped away in embarassment. "Um...so...how long does this take?" "I'm not really sure. I didn't expect her to be able to do that," said the Doctor. "Sooooo, should we manacle Cæg before he wakes up or something?" Zinnia asked. "A gag would probably be in order too. Somebody may come in and find him anyway, but it wouldn't be as soon as he wakes up," the Doctor said. "He's already sleeping! Can't you just leave him alone?" asked Brom. "It's for his own good. He might hurt himself or do something he would regret if we don't take precautions," Zinnia justified. "I...fine." Brom crossed xyr arms over xyr chest. "But be gentle!" "We'll do our best to make him comfortable." The Doctor took one of Cæg's arms. Zinnia took the other arm and helped the Doctor get Cæg fitted for some manacles and a gag. Cæg's head slumped over. He began to drool ever so slightly. Ellie was surrounded by a bunch of tiny glowing golden particles that swirled around her. "Doctor, I think it's your turn now." The Doctor extended a hand to the cloud of nanogenes, also reaching out his mind to any interface they presented. "Also I have no idea what our plan actually was," Ellie said. "Making it up as we go, like usual..." said the Doctor. Day Fifty-Four "Okay, I've cleared the Dalek template, but I need a human template to replace it," the Doctor said. "Brom? You're the only unaugmented human here that I can ask." "Uh...what do you need me to do?" Brom asked. "Just let the glowing stuff fly around you for a moment while it learns about you. Much less invasive than the leeches," said the Doctor. "All...right." Brom stood still and waited for the glowing stuff. The Doctor held out his hand toward Brom, guiding the glowing cloud toward xyr. "Glowy gold stuff sure does factor into what we do a lot," Zinnia said, perversly tempted into ruining what was an amazing spectacle. If this were on television, some bombastic music would have faded, embarassed to be in the same room as her. Brom braced xyrself for...whatever was going to happen. The cloud of glow left the Doctor's hand and enveloped Brom. Brom watched the golden lights dance around xyr and wondered why people thought magic was so bad if it was this pretty. After a moment, the nanogenes returned to the Doctor, a appearing to rest just above his hands. "Zinnia, if you could distribute these around the people here, I'll take some to treat Sir Guest." Zinnia nodded and started to treat the people in the dungeon. The Doctor took a smaller portion of cloud upstairs. The wolf and amphibious creatures seem memorized by the presence of the cloud, and watched it eagerly, though they knew not what it did or much of anything at all. Perhaps they saw something divine in it. Perhaps they knew, subconsciously, that it would save them. Perhaps their new eyes were drawn to bright shiny things. Who could say? Ellie swayed a little "Whoa, okay, feeling a little dizzy now. I'm gonna get those back, right? I think I need them to live, what with the metal eyestalk in my skull and all. And the slightly hybridized DNA and organs, and the part where they've merged with and replaced and become part of my body's systems." "I'm pretty sure you're going to get the glitter back. The Doctor would have said otherwise, right?" Zinnia had applied the cloud to all of the mutated people by this point. "I don't want you to die. Is there any way I can...give you back the magic stuff I took?" Brom asked. Slowly, the two of them began to shift and shake, their bones crunching and contorting, their organs rearranging. The nanogenes did their best to mitigate the pain, but the two ultimately looked more than a little shaken upon resuming human form. The previously amphibious person under the net was the first to speak. "Where...where am I?" "You're in the dungeon of a castle," said Zinnia. "Oh and uh I am a perfectly ordinary thing that I am. Don't be afraid or violent, please." The previously amphibious person, who for the sake of convenience will here have their name divulged as Sir Essex, began to attempt to pull themselves up under the net but collapsed quickly. The wolf woman, Sir Siodmak, was fast asleep on the wall and drooling on herself. With the two sirs returned to their human form, Zinnia attempts to recollect the nanogenes and return it to Ellie. "Wait. If the gold stuff changed them from animal people to people people... how come it didn't change you, miss Zinnia?" Brom asked. "I'm a people people. I'm a Zinnia people and this is how I was born and this is how I should look," explained Zinnia. "Oh. So... you're like the people from the north?" Brom asked. "Do you have bird people in the north?" Zinnia asked. "Maybe. I've never been, but my mother always said they were different," said Brom. "But not in a bad way!" "Odd, I never read that the Alkonists ever were on earth during this time period. Or...wait, did your mother say how they were different?" Zinnia asked. "Well, she said they were very 'grim'," said Brom. "Ah. Thats fairly vague... Do I come off as grim?" Zinnia asked. "I'm not sure. I don't really know what a 'grim' looks like," said Brom. "Aheh, I think grim is a mood and not...like a scary dog or anything," Zinnia said. "Really? Well...what kind of mood is it?" Brom asked. "Dark, melancholic...this isn't helping is it?" Zinnia asked. "So, like...night time? You don't seem very night time-y to me," said Brom. * * * The Doctor arrived upstairs. "Sir Guest? It's time for you to rejoin the light." He readied the nanogenes. The process was similarly painful for Sir Guest, who once human collapsed on the floor, letting out one more primal shriek before passing out. The Doctor mentally directed the nanogenes to return home as he went to Sir Guest's side. "Sir Guest?" The Doctor tried to...assist, in some manner. There was nothing much to assist with. The transformation had fixed him, but it had also sapped quite a lot of energy, and he was now sound asleep. Ellie had already wandered off upstairs. The nanogenes had used a lot of energy and needed to recharge off her metabolism. And she still hadn't gotten that bacon. "Ellie? Did your nanogenes get back to you all right?" the Doctor asked. "Yeah, they got back all right. Hey, you don't happen to know if there's any bacon or sausage or something around, would you?" Ellie asked. "There should be a kitchen somewhere," said the Doctor. Day Fifty-Five "I'll start looking," said Ellie. "Hey, do you think that pig farmer would let me buy one of his pigs? I've probably got some gold somewhere in my wallet. That's usually valuable." "I don't see how it could hurt to ask," the Doctor said. Ellie started looking around for the kitchen. It was, conveniently, just a couple of doors over from the room containing Sir Guest, and the entrance was wide open. Ellie went in and started looking for pork products. Unfortunately, it was spring, and the weather was good. This meant that livestock would be kept around and slaughtered fresh. It would be months until anyone bothered slaughtering and preserving cuts of meat to keep livestock from needing to be fed during the harsh winter. "Shit." Ellie paused. "Maybe the farmer has some pig hair on him so I can do a ritual to find them." she muttered. She extended her eyestalk to scan for pigs. There were a great many out in the field, a bit of a walk from the castle but a relatively shorter distance from the TARDIS. Ellie shrugged and started walking towards them, her shadow dancing around her. Ellie would, over time, make it out of the kitchen, through the hall, out of the castle's front doors, and across the manner to Brom's hut, which contained a great many pigs. * * * With nothing else going on with Sir Guest, the Doctor went back downstairs to check on the other patients. "Er, I'll get back to you when I can find a dictionary," Zinnia said. "Okay, then. So...when are the witch doctor and your other friend getting back?" Brom asked. "Are you guys going to just leave Lord Cæg like this?" "It should be soon,"" said Zinnia. "Ah, and I'm sure the Doctor will want to let Caeg out before we go or give the key to someone." At that moment the Doctor arrived. "Oh, the Doctor! Do you have a dictionary maybe?" Zinnia asked. "I don't remember putting one in one of these pockets, but I probably did." The Doctor searched through his pockets. "So... uh... after you find that dic-whatever, what are you going to do? Can you heal Lord Caeg?" asked Brom. "He looked pretty hurt." "Your lord is fine, he's just sleeping for a while. He'll wake up eventually." The Doctor found a dictionary, but it turned out to be in Alzarian. "Alzarian? Is that the earth language we're speaking?" Zinnia asked. "This isn't Alzarian," said the Doctor. "Alzarian is spoken a long way away from here in a different universe." Brom eyed the Doctor suspiciously. "Alright. He better be! Or I'll...throw lettuce at you. Or something else mean!" * * * Ellie would, over time, make it out of the kitchen, through the hall, out of the castle's front doors, and across the manner to Brom's hut, which contained a great many pigs. Ellie hummed, and joined her shadow in its ritual dance, and as she finished, her shadow drew one of the pigs into itself, before attaching itself to one of the others. Ellie fainted immediately, and the possessed pig struggled to catch her weight. For all that she was short and light, she was still a bit too much weight for the body of the average pig to support, leading the shadow currently driving said pig to conclude that this plan was not the best thought-through. Trying to keep ahold of the shadow of the other pig wasn't making things easier, and soon both pigs were squealing and bumping against the other pigs in the field. The shadow tried to get its charge to run as fast as it could to the TARDIS. * * * "Sidetrackery with dictionaries aside, entirely my fault whoops, should we finish up here?" Zinnia asked. "It looks like there's not much left to do here. We should go find the kitchen and get Ellie. Brom, do you want to let Caeg down when he wakes up?" the Doctor asked. "Can't we just let him down now? I want to go home," said Brom. "We're on our way now, so that should be fine," said the Doctor. "Alright, then. So...uh...how do I let him down again?" Brom asked. "Idea: We hand him the key and skedaddle," suggested Zinnia. Zinnia tied some string through the key and hung it from Caeg's manacled hand. "Now we skedaddle. Synonyms: abscond, leg it, scarper, run." "Well...uh...thanks? I think? I still don't know what's happening," said Brom. "Well, I guess this is goodbye, Brom. When we've gone, you can put the little metal bit Zinnia gave Caeg in the holes in his bracelets and give it a turn to make them open. I've known quite a lot of lords, I'm from a race of Lords, and yours isn't nearly the worst I've known. But a man, check that, person, like you can do better than to take orders from him. I hope he values you better in the future. This became a speech three sentences ago when I should be leaving." The Doctor grabbed the bucket of leeches. "So I'll just take these and we'll be on our way." "Well, I guess this is goodbye, then. Good luck on your future with doctor stuff," said Brom. The Doctor commenced with scarpering. It was a rather leisurely scarper, as there was no indication Cæg was going to wake any time soon. After the Doctor and Zinnia left, Brom went over to Caeg and released him from his shackles. Once xe had checked to make sure he wasn't dead, xe decided xe had had enough of this weird stuff and left the dungeon in the general direction of xyr hut. * * * Ellie was conscious again and after stuffing one of the pigs in her closet in a time-loop, she started panicking over the other one. "Shit, I didn't mean to crush it. I didn't even remember I was going to pass out. Actually, why did I try possessing it in the first place?" She glared at her shadow and pointed a finger at it. "This is your fault!" Ellie glared at the shadow some more. "I need a plan before everyone gets back." A stampede of pigs ran past the Doctor, Zinnia and Brom as they were walking. At the head of the stampede was a pig shambling quickly, leaking glowing blue gas from its mouth, and with an unconscious, slightly trampled Ellie on its back. "Did Ellie find breakfast, or did breakfast find her?" the Doctor asked. "Those things are edible?!" Zinnia exclaimed. Brom watched in horror as xyr pigs ran about wildly. "What did you do to my pigs? Did you hurt them?!" xe yelled to Ellie. Ellie continued to not be conscious. Blood continued to drip from the gashes on the side of her face. "Oh no!" Brom ran to the pig carrying Ellie and grabbed it by the legs in attempt to keep it from dragging her any farther. The possessed pig continued to try to run, powered by super-porcine strength as it dragged Ellie and Brom through the field. Brom noticed the Doctor and Zinnia in the distance and tried to get their attention. "Hey! Your friend is really hurt over here! Also my pigs are being weird! Can you help?" The Doctor changed course to go after the pigs. Zinnia split off to try to flank the rampaging pig. The pig dodged and started heading towards the TARDIS. "Come on, piggy! Calm down! It's me, Brom! You need to stop and let the hurt lady off of you!" The pig didn't seem to hear him, though if one could see the pig's face, one would see that it seemed to wince slightly. However that would look. With the pig headed directly to the TARDIS, the Doctor snapped his fingers to open the doors, to avoid a collision. The pigs all ran inside. Being as they were too stupid to stop and marvel at where they were or even to realize the space they were in was significantly larger than the space that had appeared before them, they simply continued to stampede around the TARDIS console and into one of the ship's many hallways. The possessed pig dropped Ellie and Brom to the floor of the console room before collapsing itself, the blue smoke seeming to dissipate. "So there's a herd of pigs running around in the TARDIS. Things seemed so sane when we were dealing with genetic manipulation and alien leeches," said Zinnia. Brom grumbled as xe picked xyrself from the crash-landing int the TARDIS console. Xe blinked a few times before realizing what was going on. "Oh no! The pigs!" xe rushed to the side of the pig that had dropped xyr and Ellie in the TARDIS "Are you okay?" Ellie grumbled and started to stir. "What happened?" Zinnia asked. "All of my pigs ran into this castle!" Brom answered. "I feel worse than I did after I accidentally ended up in the same solar system where they were hosting River Song's 39th hen night." Ellie started to sit up then decided that was too much trouble. "And I think I'm actually a little concussed. So it's also like the week after that when I got hit by a space truck." "You must live a hectic life," said Zinnia. "Nah, Professor Song just had a lot of marriages." Zinnia had heard of River Song's 39th hen night and like most rational thinking adults considered it a space urban legend. Cosmic legend? With Ellie recovering, the Doctor made an attempt to track down the pigs, but the internal scanner was hopeless. "Brom... do your pigs come when called? That might be the only way we can find them. Unless there's another way to get them pigs to come out?" Brom looked up from the pig xe was attempting to revive. "Well... normally, they just come when I put the food out. I don't really try to tie them down." "I guess I could set up a room with grain in it and try to corral them, but that would take a while for them to gather, and we should be going before Cæg wakes up," said the Doctor. "Which I suppose means inviting you to come with us." "Where are you going? Isn't this your castle?" Brom asked. "I take it with me when I go places. Or it takes me. It's more of a carriage than a castle," explained the Doctor. "This is a big carriage," said the Doctor. "I guess since all my pigs are already here, I should probably go with you. Lord Cæg will be mad at me, anyway." "Welcome aboard, Brom!" said Zinnia. "Not so loud, please," Ellie said. "Sorry!" said Zinnia, before realzing. "Ahem. Sorry." The Doctor began setting the controls. "Well, I'm the Doctor, I'm a Time Lord, from the planet Gallifrey in the Constellation of Kasterborous, let's say I'm infinity billion years old because I've lost count seven times already, and...welcome to everywhere." "Wait, what's a planet?" Brom asked.